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2004-02-27 - 3:55 p.m.

Shit, man. Johnson did it again. I can't take him anywhere with me.

Channel 32 put on a contest called, "Funny Boney for Money". Shit didn't even rhyme. Anyway, you do standup for about 10 minutes and they judge you and then they come give you money if you win.

I've watched a lot of Comedy Central and I've seen how they do it. It's just like making an ass out of yourself in front of your friends except you gotta stand up. So I entered. Shit, money's money.

They had the contest at Billboard's in Hoptown. The stage was where a pool table usually is on a raised level with blacked-out mirrors behind you and a rotary multi-colored light fixture for dancing.

I put on this hat I got at New Year's and called myself "Partytyme".

Johnson goes, "You look like an idiot!"

I said "It's for the show, asshole."

"You're gonna look like a fool!"

"Shutup, man. You don't know."

I waited through a lot of dumbshits. One guy kept rippin' off Steven Wright jokes. Another guy kept doin' Chris Farley over and over again and would stop and nod as if to say, "did you get it?"

Yeah, I got it. You suck.

Johnson drank five beers before it was my turn. He looked like someone made him go to school.

The DJ from Q100 announced I was next.

"And now, let's give it up for Partytyme!"

I walked up to the stage and then realized I forgot my hat. Johnson didn't even hand it to me.

Here's how it went:

"Hey. My names Partytyme. You guys ever look at them beany babies? . . . they aren't babies at all. Right? What's up with that? My wife bought like a hundred-"

"Ya ain't married!"

"I know Johnson. Shut up." I readjusted my hat and lost my place. "You ever thought about the word 'chapstick'? I mean not the actual chapstick but the word 'chapstick'. It's an interesting thing. It's got-"

"Hey Partytyme! I'm Bored!"

"God Dammit, Johnson! Can you let me finish?"

"Nope. Let's go to Rack Em's!" "

"Alright. My name is Partytyme. Ya'll shutup."

And that was it. I think I did alright.



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