2000-10-16 - 20:53:22

OLD PEOPLE AND CLOWNS AND DINNER

I saw an old man shaking people�s hands. He had a big red nose. Not unlike WC Fields� nose but bigger. He greeted a lot of people but I could not help but wonder if when folks looked him in the face they were looking at his nose just because. I looked more closely at his nose and it was red and crattery. My first thought was, �I sure would love a nose like that when I get old." What a terrible thing to wish for but I would love people to remember me with some aspect that seems nonhuman or over-human.

�He made me think of clowns and I loved that Soapy the Clown.�

Me with a big human flesh, red nose and a smile. Maybe my face would form a big red mouth because I refused Carmex for so long and chapped lips became bright red and formed Saturn rings around my mouth. What a wonderful day that will be. Every eyelash-wish I get I wish for big hands. I deeply am afraid of big hands but I dare my fear. What if now I change that wish to something that would bring smiles of yesteryear and tears of present terror? I hope my clown face will come.

Sometimes I will look at a woman and guess what she is having for her next meal. I watched a fifty-year-old woman sing today and all I could think of -besides that she is like the friend�s mom who hell I don�t know I don�t have a friend�s mom like her- as I drift on thinking, I bet she is going to the Kentucky Dam Lodge after church and will enjoy the seafood buffet. I�ll bet she loves �peel & eat� shrimp but she�ll tell you white fish is her favorite. The reserved folk will never admit to liking �peel & eat� shrimp. It�s like admitting you like the cake better than the frosting. Bull puckey. I hope today is her day to have all-she-can-eat shrimp. And scallops.